Note to Self (Poem)

"

Smiling to outsiders and shouting on my insiders, 
working for my outer image & undermining relationships, 
One can't play a bully's game and act as a victim too, 
One question & my game's afoot for the devil says boo, 

Accustomed to pamper and folly,  in quest of negativity,  why the anger? 
Reserves of patience run out,  why fight these pangs of hunger? 
A seething fear or frustration forces me to be bad,  but resist it, 
For God's sake,  I am a man and not the clown in Stephen king's 'IT'. 

Tempted to lash the tongue at my beloved,  but no,  don't do, 
A mother's affection & father's pride look with love to me too, 
One good word,  one gentle smile,  no overthing would go a great way...
For the few seconds I live before death,  I intend to make merry! 

Let a thousand hands pray for my failure & let a million minds accuse me of sarcasm,  

May all my good deeds be misunderstood and cast into the unknown fathom,  

But deep in my heart,  with my conscience clear,  alone & alive... 

I endure, live and move on that no power of this mortal earth could deprieve.  

"